My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
