Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
