Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
