what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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