good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
