guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize