it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
