um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
