I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
someone owes me an orgasm
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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