SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
this hospital has no fireball
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize