Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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