It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
