I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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