I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
