im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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