why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
