somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
don't judge my taste in strippers
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
