Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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