the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
