Can i not drive my cunt home
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
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