I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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