Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize