I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
