The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
