Well apparently he's into motor boating.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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