I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
