just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
