3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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