Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
