I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
