My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
