She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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