you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
