Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
