I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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