Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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