Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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