you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
