god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
