I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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