the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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