Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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