apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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