i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
im six kinds of drunk right now
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
