i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
