do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
