Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
