i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
