yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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