i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
