I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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