you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
