3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
