She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
