Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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