You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
