you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize