Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
