I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
