my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
