Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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