dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
