I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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