I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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