and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
