Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
