How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
