Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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