Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
