new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
