I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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