She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
