i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
