my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
